Someday I’ll Have an Assistant

Ruth Gordon ColumboLast week, I was watched an episode of Columbo with Ruth Gordon as a famous, mystery writer with a big grudge. She was convinced that her nephew-in-law (Charles Frank) had murdered her beloved niece, so she devised a complex plan to murder him. The plan involved a walk-in safe, a burned out bulb and her nephew's perceived greed. The whole plan depended on split second timing and was undone when the nephew left his keys on a table right next to the safe. Seems like she could have found an easier way to kill the young man but I suppose that's the curse of a career as a mystery writer. Columbo figured it out using equally complex and improbable clues and that was that. We never did find out if the niece was murdered for her money or not. In the middle of the mess was Mariette Hartley as Gordon's trusted personal assistant. Ah yes, we've come around to the reason for this post. Hartley was the perfect assistant, anticipating her boss's every need, even covering for her when she discovered the dastardly keys. In return for her silence, she demanded her boss take her along on a cruise. Some might call that blackmail, but really, what was Gordon thinking going without her in the first place? If I had an assistant, I would hope she'd help cover my tracks out of loyalty, not for a reward. Not that I'm planning on murdering anyone, but I too am a mystery writer, so you never know. If I had an assistant I wouldn't be where I am now: in a gas station cafe waiting for my car to be serviced. I'd be home penning my next book while my assistant dealt with the oil change. She'd probably get the car washed, too and then stop off to get me a fresh Diet Coke. Sounds petty, but I don't care. I've worked all my life and at this stage, I feel like I should be able to reap some benefits. And since every "live your dream" expert says you should put your expectations in writing . . . I'm writing. And I'm putting it out there for the world to see. By this time next year, I'm going to have an assistant and an office; an office with a door and walls filled with TV and movie memorabilia. I used to think that once I had that assistant and that office, I'd get my book written. I realize now that I've had that backwards. I have to get my book written if I want that assistant and that office. So, instead of continuing this blog post, I'm going to go work on the next chapter of my eBay on the cheap book. It's all about making money from dumpster diving. . . . Yes, someday I'm going to have an assistant. Posted with BlogsyPosted with Blogsy

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